autofill, we are not friends.

renfest

your corsetboobs demand a day of frolicking.

dance lessons paid off

apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur--the whole club's lookin at her...cause she went too low and fell and grabbed onto her friend's dress and nearly ripped it off.

road wine

not sure if we're fabulous?

check our sippy cups.

talk about me or leave me alone.

"More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves
me."

i am da bomb

dusting comes in many forms

sometimes it's best to go to the source

super H

what the hell is it? better buy it!

mystery produce is cheap. stench in the fridge is priceless.

there are rules, people

what evil allows texting at 8 am on a sunday?

the state

it's like wolftrap but with synchronized puking.

the cougars at the state are a little out of control

morning after

i can't remember if i went to every club in DC or every hospital in DC

things i learned on the party bus

1) all the songs i'm supposed to know

2) everyone is 5 drinks away from gay.*

(*guy pole dancing is only 1 drink away)

"you can't blog about this!"

i'm # 1!

Congratulations! You survived the Party Bus Birthday Party...

1) getting drunk enough to dance

2) not getting too drunk to dance

3) without getting sick

4) without getting sick upon

5) without getting so drunk it's a good idea to call out a skank for being a skank

6) without getting so drunk the 11th hour tequila specials sound like a good idea

7) without getting so drunk you're hugging homeless people

8) without getting so drunk you tip the metro operator everything left in your wallet

9) 9=sudoku win!

seen ya at the club

wichya cardigan and ya alka seltzer

big night out

where're we going to meet stef again?

she said "i'll be the hot mess on the platform". oh--there she is!

fuckin with starbucks

every time i order without using the mandatory naming conventions somewhere a barista drops dead.

whatev, starbucks, your bathrooms are truck stop skanky.

wine mustache

wednesday

(delayed due to actual bad decisions made on wednesday.)

fabulocity*

i guess i forgot to say "i love what you've done to your place" because all i could think to do was scream. really loud. a lot.

(*not at all kimora)

microsuede upholstery

not my friend.

precious

"some people go to dinner but we know how to dine!"

bitchability cloak

neti pot

oooooh neti pot

sometimes you work a little

sometimes you work a lot!

sidewalk freakshow

I St between 14th and 15th is the freakiest damn spot in DC.

why am i the exception to known science?

best day ever

I just got a quick bite of the chocolate red wine cake. Find a reason to come get a slice. It’s amazing.

I was just talking about that…over chocolate truffle cake for Drew’s bd.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with two pieces of cake in one day. Nothing.

Make that three.
Caucus Room.

Three pieces of cake in one day is proof of the existence of God.

...I may have exaggerated my metaphor. It’s fine.

splinter

i tried for hours to get that splinter out. then i realized it was a mark from where they pricked me when i gave blood.

happy birthday!

thank you for having a birthday during ramadan!

(more cake for me)

gyro

uh oh.

more bad taste combos

there's a bananagumfight in my mouth

now your #1 news source!

breakfast

this morning i cheated on my regular cheerios and had a bowl of rice krispies with sugar on top. it was soooo good.

what the...!?? toothpaste?!!!!

i'm about to go to bed when suddenly...what the!?? toothpaste?!!!!

the flush n go

don't do it!

hard pretzels. mouth open.

Q: what do i hate?

A: chomping

1000 mile stare

as a kid i'd watch my mom stare into space and slowly scratch her head. i thought she was zoned out.

now i find myself staring into space and slowly scratching my head and i realize she was just suppressing homicidal rage.

direct appeal to the industry

Dear Fashion Industry,

what's going on here, guys? stop it with the thin stretchy fabric already. these poor women know not what they do--you are forcing them into doubleboob, VPL, triple back rolls, visible belly button dimple, and that damn thong showing through the white pants.

the onus is on you. bury the thin stretchy fabic out back with the polyester and scratchy wool.

Dear Red Cross,

your "be nice to me, i gave blood today" sticker is a farce.

blood drive

junkmail

why do my favorite people send me junkmail that will give me cancer if i don't give in to its demands?

fun fact: if "amen" appears in any email, i don't want to read it.

public exposure

this is all The Gap's fault! they talked me into getting these small jeans cause they made my butt look good, but it muffin-topped me so when i sit down i can't breathe. now how am i supposed to just sit in a movie for 2 hours not breathing? you'd unzip too!

stupid Gap. this is all your fault!

late for work

turned off my alarm in my sleep today. woke up already late for work. getting ready was a blur. ran all the way to the metro. i hope i remembered to put on deoderant.

office party

Q: why does stef always volunteer to sit at the reception desk?

A: alone time with the candy dish.