this week's balls out award goes to

the man who said "enough with this!" and let himself up the broken escalator

this week's balls-out award goes to

congratulations, girl-who-just-sat-down-in-the-middle-of-a-crowded-train-bc-her-feet-hurt, you just won this week's balls-out award!

weird metro shit

probability that i miss my train is dramatically increased at ft totten due to raccoon raids

missed connections

you: constant exaggerated stretching in a failed attempt to mask your over-the-shoulder reading.

me: ignoring your nonverbal pleas to share the paper.

these papers are carpeting the train. pick one up and leave me alone. this is not a group activity.

why the metro sucks, #173

somehow seeing "out law" graffiti in bubble letters makes me even more cold, drenched, and miserable.

happy friday!

Q: what's better than a stranger complimenting your hair on the metro?

A: nothing. well, maybe shoes. n--no. nothing.

the blue line

dear blue line,

tonight you smelled like bananaberry bubbleyum.

and it wasn't the first time.

snot rockets

this man made sharp exhalations for the entire commute--i was so scared of his determination to succeed.

some weird DC shit

witnessed some weird DC shit on the metro tonight. if i don't show up for work tomorrow call the Post.

butt bias

i get sat on an awful lot on the metro.

and an awful lot at home.

tourist or just a douche?

cultural phenomenon: the morning rush hour is a time of utter silence

cultural phenomenon: douches are always unaware of the limitations of their cell service

Metrowoe

Dear Girl on the Metro,

Thank you! We all appreciate your efforts this morning to get to your destination before everyone else, overcoming us physical obstacles to get to the doors on a sardine-packed train at the first announcement that the train was approaching the station. We all enjoyed your dialog with the women around you when they called to your attention there was no place to go when you insisted on standing up and moving into the aisle and you laughed and continued to push them into other people. But what really made my morning was when you smushed yourself through the crowd only as far as me--and decided the best thing to do was wedge my arm between your hard pushup padded boobs for the remainder of the ride. Thank you again!