and this WTF goes out to the fam!

Sis: thanks for sending me that old dress--it's perfect!

Jason: how embarrassing--i was totally going to wear the SAME THING!

(chuckles all around!)

Dad: send it back when you're done--i'm not done wearing it!

(choking coffee through my nose)

speaking in unison

for the record: i may be a crazy cat lady, but there i was last night with these two and at first mention of the word "kitten" this happened.

like a parade float throwing me candy

stef leaves her number

then runs away as fast as she can red in the face

this WTF goes out to shannon

what's with engaging me in a serious work discussion first thing in the morning? clearly you were not aware i was busy with my cheerios, sudoku, and watching that video of the turtle having its way with a sneaker when you called. i mean, that scramble to log in and do actual work was monumentally draining.

dc coast

now that's more like it!

it's kind of like that night club restaurant in the great muppet caper but the saab guy and diva 40,000 showed up!

recessions

pros: $4 beerasbigasyourhead

cons: Sketchy McSmellsbad over there, drinking to the soundtrack of woodland creatures dying violent deaths, frosty mugs warming in front of us, $4 crab cakes

carbocrashing

about an hour after that bigass helpin of paprikash over rice it's like when you're diving and you get confused and can't remember which way is up and you have to look for your bubbles only you're not diving, you're in an office and air doesn't have bubbles and, by the way, you've spent so much of your day on textsfromlastnight everywhere you look Woody Harrelson is tellin you to nut up.

death stare

why can't the death stare come out BEFORE i've gone too far?

the purell switcheroo

dear ladies in the office,

i happened to notice the purell is now where the soap used to be and the soap is out of arm's reach. while i appreciate your acceptance of sanitizers during the swine flu hysteria season i believe ur doin it wrong.

sorry, tourette's, you're auffed!

could it be that everyone in DC has asperger's?

the best thing that's ever happened before 9:00am on a monday

god bless planning happy hour before you get your morning coffee.

the red wine tastes like green olives

yes, that's a mug.

dammit.

meet the ironing board!

best known for his (1) wine stains, (2) loneliness

chicken paprikash

paprikash: 1 ton smoked paprika + 1 pinch hot paprika, chicken, onion, etc.

combine all. slow cook 5 hours. recheck paprika packages and realize both are the hot kind. enjoy.

like a topographic map

getting caught in the rain manages to get less and less flattering all the time

if you're not a good shopping buddy you're not a good friend

at what point does it become your civic duty to step in and derail a shopping high gone wrong?

a sad scene

not even MacGyver can make this breakfast

(ok, to be fair bukowski could.)

the makeup lesson

a special thanks to kandee johnson for taking me back to those traumatic days when my sister played makeup with me and then my mom took me out in public.

lazy saturday mornings

dreams

dreaming i'm blogging is so much better than dreaming i'm working!

hot date

fun fact: a dinner date without flatware is sure to please.

funner fact: sitting on a low ottoman in a skirt is surer to please.

(wouldn't mind some flatware and a chair...or at least wetnaps and sweatpants. just sayin.)

etsy delivered

etsy, you are a saving grace on a friday night!

daydreams: my etsy delivery

despite my plans for a friday night on the town all i can think about is the moment when i get to tear apart that UPS box and grab the prize inside.

Dear Emma Pillsbury,

i love your jewelry collection so much i wanna take it out behind the middle school and get it pregnant.

but i won't because i'm a lady.

yours truly,

stef

susy breaks it down

the perfect balance

drinking just enough to blatantly take pictures of the lady who drank too much

trust us, we're in real estate.

so the most important thing to remember when you're telling the owner how to change everything about his restaurant is to repeat your points again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.

bonus points for slurring and dropping the f bomb.

carol channing advisory in effect

warning: do not EVER break into your best carol channing impression as that will ALWAYS be the exact time the Top Brass walks by

what my life was missing until today

how could i have gone this long as the reigning Queen of Cardigans without knowing the awesomeness of sweater clips?
(queue laurie johnson "happy go lively")

parade of 1

you must make noise of some kind at all times because

a) you need everyone to turn around and look at you as you pass

b) IT blocked all the music sites and the office is too damn quiet

c) you have tourette's

ugh, THAT guy.

1) you are not the Fonz

2) the Fonz would know better than to give me the bump

now go to your office and think about what you've done.

facebook photos

fun fact: girls scrunch together in every photo like they have to try really hard to fit everyone in

the blue line

dear blue line,

tonight you smelled like bananaberry bubbleyum.

and it wasn't the first time.

beingagirl 101

if your new eyeliner doesn't come off with soap like your old one and you don't own eye makeup remover you are not allowed to experiment with other products in your cabinet until you find a suitable substitute

social conditioning

it's a good thing: bringing in baked goods for all to gobble up

not a good thing: bringing in a few extra special SusyCupcakes for select friends and not for indiscriminate sharing and guess what was all gone when i came back from the restroom

snot rockets

this man made sharp exhalations for the entire commute--i was so scared of his determination to succeed.

the dread of being less hip than Enawene Nawe tribesmen

i learned today who Lady Gaga was and when the reaction from friends was utter disbelief i thought i'd defend my severe lack of pop culture awareness with my obscure music awareness...only every favorite band i googled hasn't recorded since the late 90s.

brainstorming for halloween: the middleage princess collection

snow white: forest animals formed a labor union and she could no longer get free housework and quickly went the way of marion silver in requiem for a dream.

belle: reputation has led her career path to the tijuana entertainment industry which is unfortunate because she's the smart one. not appropriate for halloween.

tink: bitter and unsatisfied in love, kate gosselin hair, illiterate, now battling issues with prescription downers

ariel: the coladas and oceanside resort food have gotten the best of her, perhaps beer stains on her clam shells.

braddock road

since when is braddock road the new david lynch movie?

dinner party

cleaning up after a dinner party is my new favorite chore

big mac attack

someone please explain to me why girls will blow their entire paycheck to look like tired drag queens.

antique market 2.0

fun fact: in exactly 4'2" from my front door i regretted my antique purchase

antique market

fun fact: the antique dealers really really hate it when you have the same thing they do because your family doesn't throw anything away and not because you paid a gazillion dollars for it

the cats meet iFart

erin meets the fam

first order of business after introductions is embarrassing stef stories