all of my friends are whores

the only problem with sexy costumes is reality

to anyone who doubts the awesome power of accessories, behold...

confession: this is not the first time this year i've been a pirate

i went to the pirate tavern for new year's and was no less than blown away by how serious and balls-out the pirate subculture is in DC. (gummy mcgee over there with his paws on jen is a real life person.)

halloween fun

it's the burlesque stars vs. the slutty 20-somethings in a tits-and-ass battle royale!

henfest

getting all the women in your department together for lunch guarantees (1) gossip aplenty, and (2) no one's getting back to work any time soon.

halloween fun: paper doll

play dress up with stef!

then tell me how i can turn any of this crap into a halloween costume.

the 4 stages of etsy-sucks-for-not-delivering-my-cosutme-in-time

come on, day!

get over already!

pumpkin carving

fun for the whole family

to my homegirl

fun at DC Coast

the epilogue: why do we keep spotting hookers?

fun at DC Coast

chapter one: the intrusion

chapter two: the cock fight

chapter three: the skedaddle

fun at DC Coast

the opening credits

stef finds a mentor

dear lady who asked to have her irish coffee irished up some more cause it was getting low,
teach me all that you know.

stef double dog dares susy to eat cranberries

hilarity ensues.

susy hatches a plan

so you either have to sit on the right to block me or i can just hold my hand up to my face all night like you're SO adorable.

incredibly accurate cycles in the animal kingdom

robecks, go to hell.

look, it's reasonable to assume your new seasonal pumpkin smoothie has some pumpkin pie spices in it so it's not just squash juice.

the halloween prayer

dear jeebus,
please help the other parts of my new halloween costume arrive in time so i don't have to be a pirate.
muchas gracias!
--stef

halloween treats

night at the movies!

fun fact: a movie theater lobby isn't a bar, but it'll do in a pinch--you just have to bring your own booze.

not woman enough for these heels

metro: putting me in my place since 2006!

the last straw

you all think i'm some crazy germophobe because i'm grossed out when you don't wash your hands, but dammit, people, this is the height of flu season and now you've gotten rid of the bathroom soap entirely. can't you even commit to the illusion that you're not all filthy females? what the hell kind of public bathroom doesn't even have a soap dispenser?

dear pink shirt girl from down by the docks,

i don't remember you, but found the most foul things in my notebook about you. i think i owe you an apology. and apparently should recommend a change in wardrobe.

vicky's

you work in Victoria's Secret and you don't know who The Girls are?

am i using old timey words again or are you an idiot?

go ahead and make yourself comfortable

watching ellen right now with a cat foot nestled under my boob like the pencil test

etiquette

hickok cole art night 2009!

i love sophisticated cultural activites with a well-stocked bar!

girlfriend medicine

i need me a dose

medicine head

well floating off into space but my hands are still touching the keyboard, so it counts as working, right?

welcome back to puberty

dear god, they've breached the quarantine zone

roomies

you may or may not come home to a half drunk Joker watching Glee.

playing "halloween makeup"!

how to piss off your boss

1) sarcasm

yeah, soooo that happened.

caroline

you're going to be one stylish crazy bird lady one day!

"f them and the soy horse they rode in on!"

la tosca

we are not impressed with your meager sangria offerings

good morning, sunshine

missed connections

you: constant exaggerated stretching in a failed attempt to mask your over-the-shoulder reading.

me: ignoring your nonverbal pleas to share the paper.

these papers are carpeting the train. pick one up and leave me alone. this is not a group activity.

word problem

mental cleansing

it's your turn, red cross

wtf.
pretzel wheels?!
where the hell are the cookies?!

daydreams: date with aveda

oh, aveda,
you know you got it goin on!

bad day

confusing getting my heart rate up with getting my blood pressure up.
i don't care--if i'm flushed it counts as exercise.

the hike up

oh so sue me for hiking up my tights in the empty office! aren't you supposed to be in a meeting or something?